Missing Melody..

Lately, I sing for you.

Loving you was the sweetest thing ever

I wish it was to last forever

Love which I only felt for you.

The familiar voice of the past

Continuously hearing the familiar melody

Melody of love that used to be alive

Tell me, what has happened to us?

Do you know how much I miss you?

The you whom I constantly talk to..

The you who always make me smile..

The you who can make everything alright..

Again, I am missing the OLD you.

That sweet and charming sweetheart

The only one who is in my heart.

Will you ever go back to your usual self?

No matter how silly it may sound

Stupid and miserable it may seem

I love you still and forever will

So please come back to me..

Yes, it's true I'm weak..

But there will be no more lies..

You're the one whom my heart is yearning for.

Coz simply your my eternal melody & my everything.. 

My Adorkable Blueberry Muffins.

For the past few days, I have been suffering from too much stress and disappointment. So I got the chance to look for something that will surely make me forget about the bad things that happened and at the same time, will make me smile. I was curious in how things work in the kitchen and found myself buying stuffs in the grocery. Cooking materials, baking ingredients and equipment are the things I found myself interested in. After few weeks of cheering off myself in doing several stuffs, I realized I need another way to relax myself. So here I am, cheering myself.

Got this recipe in one of the websites I searched on google. It worked out just fine. I used real blueberries that made its taste really fine and sweet. I love it. I think am gonna enjoy cooking more and more for the meantime. Let's do more! ^_*

Incentive Argument.

Yesterday's event has caused me too much tears and disappointment on my part. Partly, it was my fault in expecting too much, I guess? But I thought otherwise coz I think I really deserve that and it was mine to begin with. I have been working my ass off in the company for some time now, I have been doing my best to meet all the needed metrics to be able to gain something regards it.
Having an incentive was a privilege offered to us by the company if you were able to meet all the requirements they were expecting you to have. I meet all of those successfully during the month of June and was in high hopes that I will be able to get it by the salary day of July. After all, they had already announced it before that I will be receiving money for it. I was shocked last night when I was to withdraw my money, the incentive wasn't there. I was too shocked and questioned myself.
The thing is that, when I confirmed to myself that my name wasn't even in the list of the people who should be having money. I was like, what the fcking shit is happening?! Too much disappointment and confusion caused me to burst into tears and had it a hard time to stop. Why so? Such a big sum of money am expecting to come, wasn't made possible. The possibility of it not to come forth me is bigger than usual. Damn that sucks big time.

I don't know for you guys, but for me not to have that sum of money is enough reason for me to resign and get my freaking ass out of the company. Holy shit! >_<

Fashion as an expression of oneself.

Each person is entitled with their own opinion and personality. We can express ourselves in many ways. Ways that we can easily think of because we are already have them as our hobby or outlet to keep ourselves going. We have here the visual arts (painting, carving, pottery, sewing) and liberal arts (literature like songs, poems). In doing such expression of one's personality is made possible and it clearly reflects who you really are.

I have done reflecting to myself and I realized that being to express one's self is a must for each individual. It must not be avoided because that person may get to explode and suffer from depression. I have been really active in my online shop, writing and shopping. I had considered this stuffs as my hobbies, not to mention the constant visits to the gym which has made me happy and fit.

There is one thing that has made me love myself more. It is the love for fashion, though I got to love Korean stuffs, I am still at loving fashion. Many people say that I do wear unusual clothes and they do wonder where I get to buy those stuffs. But somehow, I just got to wear the things that I consider myself am comfortable with. I expressed my loneliness when I put myself on hold on the things I wear just because people keep on commenting on the things I do and wear in the office. Hence, I came forth with this decision that I had enough, I will wear what I want (those clothes came from my closet and were bought at the expense of myself). Regardless of what other people may say, hell they care right? Get a grip, people. You have your own life to attend to, stop bothering people just because you want to be at a better light. Like duh?! O_O

Money as the Primary Motivation..

It's funny how we set expectations in our first job. Maybe its really normal to set such ideals in that so-called job. But then again, we keep forgetting the real reason why we did applied for the job. It's not really because I wanted to work now, who doesn't want to goof around all day and chillax every now and then? I guess nobody would refuse such chance, but reality bites, we need money for our daily needs. So this is where money steps in our life.
I applied as a call center agent not because I want to be one. Being an accountant is my dream, not to answer calls. Like as if?! Going back, not like that I have any other choice, I need to get my feet back on track so that I could go back to school again. Having the online shop is not enough for me to get back to school. I need a more continuous and sure income. So I came to apply there and maybe just got lucky enough to get in.
Working for the past few months, I had encountered lots of people. Hardships, so as we speak, getting along with the environment and being treated in a weird aspect though I continue to be good to them. Maybe, despite the goodness that you show to the other people, it will never be enough for them to accept you. As the saying goes, you really can't please everybody. Having a personality of an introvert and quiet person, I was marked as a weird person. With my figure conscious and diet regimen attitude, I was treated too different. Guess it was my fault in one or the other, but who cares right? This is me and my life, nobody should actually give a damn about it as long as I do my job just fine.
Though trying to get along with your co-workers is a good thing, expectations of having friends in a workplace should at least be minimized. Oh come on, am I to expect that everybody is gonna be my friend? Hell no! So I really don't care what other people may think about me, after all I didn't applied there to have friends. I applied there to earn money. LOTS and LOTS of money. Having friends is an additional bonus. Reality bites, as long as I do my job well and doesn't get myself on troubles, I think I will do just fine. Might as well stick to the usual quiet self. ^.^

Being Determined means having DISCIPLINE, right?!

Yes, I know for a fact I have been determined to reach this and that, but somehow I came to realize a point that I was lacking something that makes it not possible for me to reach my goal. I lack the thing called discipline. When I started to have this job, I had all of it intact in me and I am hell proud of it. But suddenly after that so-called team-building I lost everything. Not that am putting the blame on that. I know for a fact it is my fault that I made my discipline waver down and disappear.
LOL at that coz I am to blame in each single thing that happens in my life. Simply because this is my life, I have my own freaking mind and choices so why should I blame other people, right? Come to think of it, having to admit everything makes you feel lighter and braver at each passing day. Here forth, I won't you use the words "I would" nor "I should". I think I rather use the word "I must", simply because the face that such word comes with too much weight on it that makes you think it is something that is important for you to do and it is for your own good. ^_*

The Mark of Something Good.

Some people say that we always ask for signs to make us decide or have our plans put into action. But it's really funny how such things can affect us. As for me, I waited for a sign to start disciplining and controlling myself again. This recent month of July and June, I have been to stubborn and keep things how I think they should be without considering the possible consequences. Somehow the phrase "Just do it.". won't actually bring me any good.
So as far as I am concerned, bridging out my concerns on my weight and figure up to the extent of finances and expenses would be taken in high consideration from here on. The proper usage of the journal and organizer will be taken priority and likewise, I know it will exercise precaution as well as preparation specially if something unexpected may come up. As the saying goes, better prepared than sorry. ^_*

GOALS FOR MORE YEARS TO COME:
1. Proper Figure and Maintaining Weight
2.  Increasing Sales, Investment and Savings
3. Continuous Growth in Career and Intellectual Capabilities
4. Personality and Confidence Enhancement
5. Financial Stability and Strength

Online Shop as my new hobby.

I am so proud to present something that I had worked so hard for 1 year now. It's no other than my online shop. I started this out as an hobby out of the convincing power of my friend, Ate Dee. Though I could consider the first few months as not so good, continuous perseverance and discipline has made me achieve the success of an individual who has established something in a young age. My online shop is now reaching its 1st year anniversary and am so happy about it. Though there are lots of time that I neglect my responsibilities as an owner, it sure is high time for me to focus on its development and future as a blooming opportunity to help me in my dreams as a successful individual in the field of business and career path.

Start of a New Beginning.

I had always thought that I'm the usual thoughtless and silly lil girl that would always have the time of her life in looking for the things that would possibly make her happy. But somehow, as time seems to be passing by  things shouldn't remain this way. As I'm entering the prime of my life and getting older in each passing day, I must seek for something that surely make things better for my life in the coming future and start taking plans into action.

It's never enough to have plans, dreams and aspirations, everything must be taken into action. So hereforth, I will have myself focused and determined as ever. So long to the carefree and happy-go-lucky girl that lurks in me. I should be the one who should moving towards to my future.

Way back before, I had a blogspot like this expressing myself and being able to free myself from all the sadness and frustrations that I always encounter in each passing day. But so far, I became too engrossed in too many things that I neglected having such a thing and focused to useless things. Making myself to indulged in useless things that has made my downfall.

I became in love with a person, a person I never thought would exist a part of my life. I loved him w/o asking anything in return and devoted myself to him w/c was totally wrong. It caused my utmost devastation and confusion for myself. But things are gonna change from here on, I am no longer that particular person that is vulnerable and easily fooled. I give up on him because he is only making a fool out of me. Forgetting all of his so-called promises and filled me out with lies. That's enough, am not that person anymore, I am a person who knows her value and loves herself as she is a precious gem to the people around her as well.

A new beginning, an exciting prologue, an enticing chapter of my life will begin as of this moment. This is the prime of my life. The will and bridging of the past and the future. The present and improving me.

I am Ayie Adryanna Jaezel Canela, a new person with a new hope for the each coming tomorrow. ^_^

~ Ayie ~